On January 1, 2016, men and women around the state of Texas will be free to go to the supermarket like they’re in the wild west. They will be free to tube down the Guadalupe River without a “can ban” or an open handgun ban. They’ll be able to channel their road rage — a condition typical on Texas highways — by threatening the driver of the vehicle that cut them off.
Thanks to Gov. Greg Abbott prostituting himself to the NRA, Texans everywhere can now live the dream: being residents of a state where your handgun has human rights.
Next thing you know, Texans will be electing a gun to the state legislature.
But, such dreams are not shared by everyone. Some Texas businesses have rallied behind “common sense,” a platform notably absent from many a Texan statewide. These Texas businesses have decided that in the interest of public safety, “open carry” will not be allowed in their establishments. Though I’m sure this declaration will draw the ire of many an ammosexual, Texas is a self-proclaimed “pro-business” state. Thus, as these businesses have rationalized the disarmament of their (perhaps not so?) loyal consumerists as a “pro-business” measure, men and women around the state will have to leave their harbingers of death in their unnecessarily-large trucks before dropping cash to satiate their need for stuff and things.
Or they could boycott these places, because as we all know, boycotting a business only a tactless offense when it’s advocated by liberals toward a certain arts and crafts store that believes women’s access to sexual health is an affront to an invisible monster Yahweh.
Attorney Al Flores, who represents Gringo’s Mexican Kitchen, a popular Tex-Mex establishment in the Greater Houston area, spoke to The Wall Street Journal about the restaurant’s decision to ban “open carry” in its facilities. He stated that Gringo’s is “primarily a family environment,” which influenced the decision “not to allow open carry.” He further stated:
“We just felt that knowing our customers, allowing someone to walk in openly carrying a weapon, it would make them feel a little uncomfortable.”
But Houston-based Tex-Mex restaurants are not the only facilities to oppose the wet dreams of Texans statewide. Some grocery store chains, including Whole Foods (no shocker there), Safeway, and H-E-B — one of the granddaddies of Texas businesses — have also openly put their foot down on the neck of “open carry.” From RT:
“‘As a retailer of alcohol, long guns and unlicensed guns are prohibited on [H-E-B] property under the Texas Alcohol and Beverage rules,’ the grocer said in a statement. ‘H-E-B maintains the same policy we have for years, only concealed licensed handguns are allowed on our property.'”
Another giant in the realm of Texas businesses, Whataburger, said in July that they would not allow customers to openly carry firearms into their restaurants. This means Texans will not be able to steal the order number tents — a tradition that even some Texans are unsure of as to why it’s done — at gun point.
But not all establishments in the Lone Star State are distancing themselves from the idea of people showing up like they’re entering the O.K. Corral. In Arlington (no shocker there), officials at the First Baptist Church welcome the idea of an armed congregation, because, you know, nothing screams “Christianity, fuck yeah” like worshiping a peaceful figure amidst a high-concentration of firepower. From Raw Story:
“‘We decided it was best to allow responsible people to do this if they choose,’ Senior Pastor Dennis Wiles told The Wall Street Journal. ‘We will probably assess the situation in a couple of months to see how it goes. When it comes to a church, I don’t think we’re going to see that much difference.'”
Well, here it is. Texas has officially made itself into one of the most gun-friendly states in the country. Pretty soon, ammo will come free with any large DQ Hunger-buster combo.